Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
