Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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