His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize