dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
