I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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