i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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