she was so not down for the gang bang
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
