i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Congratulations! We have a period
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
