he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
