dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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