he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize