Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
