Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
