You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
