everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
