just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
