Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
