Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
