My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
