She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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