This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
this will be a night to untag.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
