Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
