I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
