Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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