What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Can I color on your dick again?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
