dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
