i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
