I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
