you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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