Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
