Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
