did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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