If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
