i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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