I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize