side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
