Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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