i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
