You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
