Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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