New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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