I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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