You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
