Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize