Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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