I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
