Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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