Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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