i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
and she was petting her beer can
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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