I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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