I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
