I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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