and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
