you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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