dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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