Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
