wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
