Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
