dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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