I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
