Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
