What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
