I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
